Out Of My Head

Couldn't sleep last night.  Couldn't get that drunken night of Sophie out of my head.  I really only denied her based on the fact that I didn't want to take advantage of a drunk girl, but drunk sayings are sober thoughts aren't they?  She thinks I totally denied her, but I don't know that I wouldn't take it if she was sober.  God, thats scary.

And stupid.  I've finally got something great going on with Kate, and here I am entertaining thoughts and fantasies of Sophie.  I just can't help it, its some strange natural male desire.  It's not that Kate isn't good enough, It's not that Kate was just a rebound from my giant crush on Sophie, or was she?  No, no she wasn't.  Damn it, I'm confusing myself again.

Time to slow it down.  Maybe a good talk with Sophie will sort all of this out, instead of this monstrous amount of flirting we have been committing.  I always feel guilty later, but damn it feels good during.  I need to be good, I need to not screw this up for myself, I need to talk to her.  Tonight.

Choices, Choices

As I was working on a paper the other night, a blast from the past Sophie Fox returned home from a night of drinking.  Walking in in her little black dress, sloppy and clinging to the walls, I watched her collapse into my door way.  She exclaimed about how much she had drank as I picked her up off my floor and put her on my chair, God she smelled good.

She proceeded to tell me how she had always thought I was cute.  Such a nerd, but cute in that way.  I didn't care what people thought of me (not true), and I was different than all of the frat boys that she had gone out with before.  A little bit late, Sophie, Thanks.

Yet, I was strangely attracted to this offer.  I certainly never thought my biggest problem in life would be choosing between TWO girls, thats for sure.  I couldn't believe this moment was happening to me.  I didn't know what to say as she moved towards me.  I pressed my finger to her lips, and told her I couldn't.  She thought she was denied, I thought she was drunk.  

Late-Nights

Finally, instead of late nights sniping aliens in Halo, or hacksauring in World of Warcraft, I have a living, breathing sensation next to me in bed.  It's late, probably 4 in the morning or so, and we sacked out awhile ago.  I woke up for some reason, and haven't been able to go to sleep, so I figured I would write.

I had imagined nights like this, in my dreams.  I can't believe a girl's beating heart is vibrating against my elbow as I'm writing this, and her body is moving ever so slightly to her breaths.  I don't even want to type in fear of waking her, but I need to do something to settle my nerves before curling back into her for more sleep and solace.

Well, I guess when I thought things couldn't go worse, they got a WHOLE lot better.  I had no where to go but up.

Refreshment

Thank the lord.

After feeling jealous over Kate, once again she has showed me the light.  She sat me down and had a good heart to heart and communicated exactly how she's been feeling, and I told her my hopes and fears, and we worked everything out in a solid 6 hours of laying in bed and talking.  This girl is perfect, and I never thought I would see perfection.

I guess before now, I had never really learned how to communicate with people.  I could type things out on AIM, and talk 1337 smack against n00bs, but never have I been able to hold a real, valid, conversation with a girl.  Especially a pretty girl, and even more so one that is into me.  With Kate, everything seems so easy, and she makes me feel that I'm a pr0 at life. Didn't think it was possible to get Counter-Strike Kill-death ratios like I do and own at life at the same time, but I guess I've always been against the grain.

Neutral

Not sure why, but I get the strange feeling of emptiness building up inside of me.

While love is great, I've grown jealous with Kate.  I know, I'm such a girl (call me sexist), but I don't know what to say.  I haven't written for awhile, because I've been hoping it will go away.  It doesn't seem like that's going to happen, and I don't know what it is about her that makes me so suspicious.  Maybe she just smells different, maybe its the way she acts around me, or maybe it just me being a complete dumbass.

Alright, so maybe its just me being a complete dumbass.  I sure hope that's what it is, I just need to figure out how to get through this..

Aftermath

Wow,

The videogames that thrilled me before, don't seem quite the same anymore after a night like that.  For some reason the curve of that white Xbox 360 controller, doesn't quite match the curve of a woman's hips.  The accomplishment sound I got for getting 10 head-shots in a row, not quite the same sound as... well, you get the picture.

Things are more perfect than ever.  She even meshed the two worlds together and played video games with me.  She MUST be the best girl that has ever graced god's good earth.  Dinner dates, walks outside as the spring air fills the limited spaces between our hands, I'm starting to believe there is a god.

It really doesn't get any better than this.

Second Time Around

Yes, the second lunch date with Ms. Dufay, and things were just starting to heat up.

This time, we went to a fancier restaurant.  You know, the kind of restaurant that requires short bottoms, low cut red vintage dresses?  I was unaware it required that, but apparently to her, thats what it meant.  Maybe TMI, but I needed a change of pants the second I saw her.

I realized I hadn't seen her body much before.  Always covered in sweatpants and sweaters, I hadn't realized how great her skin looked in the light.  She was marvelously toned, and the dress showed off her curves like nothing I had seen before.

God, she was really was beautiful.  I death-gripped her hand the entire time at dinner, until I felt her fingertips on my thigh.

I love College.

We came back to my dorm room, and I spent a little less time with the Macbook, and a little more time exploring.  I'm never going to forget this, the best night of my life.